The Attached Granny
As a mother of babies and young children in the 1980s and 90s, I found myself going against the tide with how I wanted to parent my three children. I’d read ALL the parenting books in the library while I was pregnant and knew that some of the approaches just didn't feel right to me. The science of caring for infants fascinated me but some modern practices appeared to be based on opinions, not fact.
I stumbled my way through my first child’s infancy and made some choices I later regretted when I became more informed. But by my second and third babies I was more confident and became aware that others were choosing a more gentle pathway too.
And then I discovered Dr William Sears and how I wanted to parent now had a name: I was Attachment Parenting.
That was more than thirty years ago and I am now the grandmother of three children who are being raised in a similar way.
My second baby in 1987 … she is the mother of my three grandchildren.
Some people get confused by AP as they interpret it as a list of instructions they must abide by to qualify for the “label” of Attachment Parenting. And media often sensationalise how they portray Attachment Parents, usually inaccurately associating it with passive or lazy parenting.
Attachment Parenting is a a philosophy which believes that secure attachment is supported by a gentle, responsive approach to caring for infants from birth. Key practices are considered important but there is no suggestion that all is lost if circumstances mean parents are unable to practice them all. In my own case, I had three caesarean birth including one attempt at VBAC and only two of my three children met the WHO Guidelines for breastfeeding.
The core practices have been refined over the years and different descriptions have been used:
The Seven B's
Birth bonding
Breastfeeding
Baby wearing
Bedding close to baby
Belief in the language value of your baby's cry
Beware of baby trainers
Balance
The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting
Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting. ...
Feed with love and respect. ...
Respond with sensitivity. ...
Use nurturing touch. ...
Engage in nighttime parenting. ...
Provide constant, loving care. ...
Practice positive discipline. ...
Strive for balance in personal and family life.
In essence, Attachment Parenting embraces everything we consider important here in Southern Natural Parenting Network, from skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible after birth to natural term breastfeeding. Babywearing and cosleeping, nighttime breastfeeding and respectful, positive discipline. And definitely beware the baby trainers.
Being an Attachment Grandparent
Grand-parenting isn't about a second chance at being a mother. It is about continuing to support and nurture your child as they support and nurture their children. Within a traditional society, grandmothers, aunts, older sisters and cousins are all part of the female collective who care for the young and the elderly. Rather than clinging to their mothers, these children feel at ease in-arms with any of their circle.
We have also been able to practice alloparenting as my daughter and grandchildren live in proximity, which allows them to move between our homes and care securely with a strong attachment. I strongly believe mothers need mentors and that what we model to each generation matters.
